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Cindy

Yes I am a pirate 200 years too late. The cannons don’t thunder. There’s nothing to plunder. I’m just an over 40 victim of fate. Arriving too late… Since I was 14, I’ve loved Jimmy Buffet’s song, A Pirate Looks at 40. I always identified with it as a person who constantly longs for adventure. This year though, I heard it at the beach, and it kind of threw me. How could a Jimmy Buffet song be depressing to me? He’s the most chill singer ever. I’m at the beach. I’m supposed to be relaxed without a care in the world. This is my happy place. I walked down to the beach, stared out over the beach and had one of my weird, honest conversations with God. I vented and admitted my frustration. I finally opened up about what was really bothering me and asked for his help. “God. I honestly don’t mind getting older. It’s fun. I love being a grandma. I love not having the drama of the teens and early twenties or the pressures of my thirties. I just want it to slow down!!! Where did 40-46 go? It feels like everything is flying by. Can you just make time pass more slowly like it used to?” Then I jabbered on for a while and didn’t remotely try to listen for an answer. Why does time pass more slowly for children? When I was 8, why did the time from Christmas to Easter feel like 10 years feels now?  Then I got frustrated with God because he didn’t send a skywriter to give me an answer. He didn’t interrupt my long internal rant with a Mufasa voice. So, I continued. Until, finally, I quieted my mind and tried to listen… I remembered an incident where my youngest son Daniel got in trouble in kindergarten for not staying in line: “But mom! There was a ladybug crawling on a poster. It was sooooo cool!” I remember discussing the issue with his teacher. “Did you tell him to get back in line?” “Yes” “What did he do?” “He got back in line.” I’m not sure what I said. Though I like to imagine that it was eloquent and life altering for this young teacher. I do remember thinking “I’m not going to teach…